We all have the one guy that, in our minds, is the guy we will probably end up marrying. You know the guy - the one that comes to mind when you talk about the future. The guy that you visualize as the man who runs around the yard with your kids while you sit on the front porch, a cup of coffee in hand, smiling out at their laughter. He might be your childhood best friend, you might have dated him in high school or college, or maybe he was always in your life but you never realized how perfect he was for you until it was too late.
It comes up in conversation more than you think. If you aren't paying attention to it though, it'll be easy to miss. And I can promise you every woman has that "guy." My friend who has sworn off love has one in her mind, my gorgeous friend who has a new guy beating down her door (or rather blowing up her phone) every other week has one, and my friend who just started dating a new guy (who seems pretty promising in my opinion) has one. We'll let it slip in conversation quite frequently, sometimes we'll say "If I'm not married by 30 I'll marry X" or "He's probably my husband but I'm just not with him right now" or "He's my husband, he just doesn't realize it yet."
But that comes off as crazy, right? I have this hunch that we as women like to label one guy that we know as our "future husbands" because it helps relieve the pressure of finding "the one" if you've already found him... you're just choosing not give your life over to love just yet. Chances are, that guy we think is our husband? We'll never actually marry. But somewhere in our minds, it helps soothe that ticking anxiety that you'll never fall in love. It's messed up, I know it is. Most of the time we don't realize that's why we're doing it. I know if I mentioned this theory to the friend that has sworn off love she would laugh me out of her apartment. Somewhere she knows it's more comforting to think the one is out there, she knows who he is, but she's choosing not to be with him for one reason or another.
Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe those men really are the ones we'll end up marrying. The one I have in my mind, well I'm pretty sure he isn't the one, but in a perfect world, it would be the cutest love story. For now though - I'll keep that one to the side, and use the comfort that my one is waiting for me to let my mind breathe and explore other things that make me happy.
P.S. For a little experiment ask your friends if they have the "one" - I've done this and pretty much everyone does.