I'll Try My Best To Be Sane

Sometimes I think about completely falling apart. Just utterly losing it. 

I'm a generally happy person. At times, I can even be manic. My personality is a lot to handle, most of the time I'm too loud, too talkative, and am really bad at taking a hint and calming the fuck down. 

But then I come home to my quiet little one bedroom and night falls, and I don't speak, I just think. Being an extrovert who is also extremely self-aware and introspective is slightly a fault, it seems to me for this exact reason, my mind just goes and goes until it runs itself into the ground. 

There's a moment, maybe it's when I have a green tea on my nightstand, my favorite playlist to write to playing in the background, and my journal wide open on my bed that I feel most like myself. And that's when I feel like I might be destined to be this crazy, reclusive, purely insane writer. I'm talking some Secret Window shit without the murder, obviously. 

I'm smiling and laughing at this because that person I feel like is the antithesis of who I am in the eyes of others. 

But I think we all have these moments, where we look up from whatever it is that we're doing and we think..... should I just go insane? It would be easier, you know. 

Or maybe it's just me. And maybe that means I am insane.