At what cost does knowledge come? Is it waking up in a cold sweat, trying to shake his airy blue eyes from your memory? Before you felt rage. Now, all you feel is a pathetic pit sitting in the center of your abdomen. It grows at times, the anxiety you feel tabling on top. There are the coincidences when you forget to remember it's there.... those times are few and far in between.
It's almost as if you're walking down a flight of stairs, you know you to put one foot in front of the other. Your mind, body, heart are all in tune with what should happen, right? One foot, then the next, there you go.
And out of nowhere, you almost stop thinking of what comes next; you just do. And that's when it happens; that's when you're left catching yourself falling, you can't find what was supposed to just be there... you were supposed to just be there.
The depth of something that is feels so shallow, confuses you. It shouldn't mean that much to you, right? You search your brain for the answers, you go over every last detail, every last thing you said, everything you thought, everything you wanted to say, but you didn't. If you didn't know by now, feeling the regret of the words that were never spoken just makes that pit grow and grow.